I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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