The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
