went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
