and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
