He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
