My hand turned me down
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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