They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
