I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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