Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
