i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
