She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
