dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
