literally had 100 drinks last night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
