so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize