I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
