I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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