I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
