took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
