Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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