Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
