Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
