that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
