Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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