i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
