I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
