how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
