I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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