I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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