Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize