Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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