How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
