guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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