It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
