You smell like stripper and shame
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
