Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
do herpes really smell.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
