after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
