you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
