and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
