hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
