Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
