Do you still have your period?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
