You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
