he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
