he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
