i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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