When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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