I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
