Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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