That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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