I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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