make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
