oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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