You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
