i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
