he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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