i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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