he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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