Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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