I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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