So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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