I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
