question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
