I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
