i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
