The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
