He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize