Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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