the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize