I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
